i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
