his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I touched a dick in church today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
