I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
