You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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