All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
