i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
