I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
