I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
