the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
