genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
