i just sent this text using only my big toe
and she was petting her beer can
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
