1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
