At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
