So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
