If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
