it hurts more in the daytime
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
