Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
