Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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