Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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