Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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