My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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