so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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