he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
