So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
