omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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