So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think i got beer on your cat.
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