Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
