Your dad touched me again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
