How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
