you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
