I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
