well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
