I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
