Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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