Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
