Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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