I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
