Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
