how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
