whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
