Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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