Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
