So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
