i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
