Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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