Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
