either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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