Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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