a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
