he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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