just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Welp...herpes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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