i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
