If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
