We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
